Dear Kanye:

Happy Birthday! I hope today is filled with what you want from life. You have a healthy bank account… and while money won’t actually buy happiness, it does help pay for the search.

I’m sure you are receiving a variety of gifts today, but your real gift is but a few weeks away: The gift of fatherhood. I’d like to gift you with something unique; a gift only someone like me can provide: How to survive being the father of a baby girl. There’s not rulebook on parenting, and being the father of a girl comes with a variety of challenges: some good, others that make you want to bash your head into a wall.