Too many women get stuck in thinking that the relationship needs them to make it work. She might get treated well, but her partner isn't actively investing — he's just doing the bare minimum to keep the relationship going. This causes her to wonder what she's doing wrong. Most often, this situation is the result of having her self-esteem locked up in that relationship. She thinks that if she does more, her partner will come around and love her. Then, she will finally be worthy of love. This is a self-esteem trap, and it leads to clinginess, insecurity and (in extreme cases) love addiction.

A relationship takes two people. If one is gun-shy — or not on the same page emotionally — there will be a disconnection, which can lead to this kind of cat-and-mouse game. She needs to have a firm grasp on her values and her identity as a woman. If she doesn't know how to be happy with herself, she won't know how to be happy in a relationship.