Dear Charles:

I received a text from this guy I've been dating. We've been seeing each other for the past six months exclusively. He says "I love you" (he also said it first, I made sure of that), but tonight he tells me that he needs some space. He says he loves me, but he's not in love with me. He wants to take a break for a while... meaning a few months, but he wants me to wait for him while he figures things out. What gives?

—S

Dear S—

It's been six months and he tells you he loves you. Now, he's spooked and wants space? Okay... maybe. That's sounds a little like deflection and doesn't effectively communicate what's really going on in his head, but people get to things as/when they do.

The red flag: He wants you to wait.

I see... so what he's really saying is: "Baby, I love you... but only kind of... and I want some space to go do whatever/whomever I want. But you? Yeah... you need to wait. right. here. Don't see anyone, don't sleep with anyone, don't do anything that involves another man.... and when I get good-and-ready, I'll be back (maybe... I haven't decided yet, because it depends.)"

Sorry... but I call bullsh*t.

My gut: He's doing you a favor. Take his need for "space" as a gift... and recognize that this break is actually a break-up. Go do your thing... and if/when he comes back... you can decide if you want to be available then. But I will say that anyone who plays these games is [usually] just warming up. There's more game-playing behind that... and I would advise you not to find out.

Choose your path

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