Cheating is all the rage. Celbs and regular Moe’s alike are constantly getting called out by the press, by their [now ex] significant others, and the perpetually investigating paparazzi. Some have taken the road of silence and others come clean right away… but it’s been fascinating to watch the man cheaters confess (read: pour their hearts out to the world on how sorry they are.) As a man, I have listened to these tearful laments and I can’t help but laugh. These men were just fine traipsing around the town with tender trollops in-tow—an unsuspecting wife or girlfriend holding down the proverbial fort, oftentimes dutifully caring for the kids—and now they want me to believe they’re sorry? Puh-lease. These cheaters aren’t sorry… they’re just sorry they got caught.
And with infidelity now headline news, the latest TV shows, magazine articles, and blog posts feature “real men” discussing cheating. These men are quasi-experts on cheating—because they did it. And look, I’m not here to pass judgment on their infidelity… I simply have an issue with their reasoning. These “real men”—like all cheating men—have a wide variety of justifications of why they cheated… “She was constantly bitching at me. I had to get out of there,” or “I felt like I was playing a role. I stopped being real. The only way to shake myself out of it was to cheat,” or my personal (and the most common) “I didn’t mean it. It was an accident.” My conclusion on these reasons (and any others): Shut. Up.
Sorry, guys. You can pull that line on the press, on your mothers, or on your now-estranged wives/girlfriends, but that crap doesn’t work on someone who knows—someone who has been there (years ago, long before I was married).
But I recognize that monogamy isn't for everyone. In fact, many argue that it's not a "natural state" for men. In some ways, that might be correct. DNA-wise, both genders are driven by primal instincts to continue our species, not concentrate on the sanctity of marriage. However, humans now claim to be civilized, and if a person decides to delve into the world of commitment, marriage, and fidelity, they should hold to the ideals that accompany that choice. If you don’t want a commitment… don’t get married. Simple.
The real truth: Cheating is always a choice. Those who claim it was “an accident” or offer any other reason are fooling themselves. No man has accidentally fallen into a vagina They are choosing to cheat for one simple reason: Selfishness. They care more about the sex they can get, rather than betraying their significant other. The sad reality is that this is level of betrayal is the worst kind. What makes it the worst: Because men usually don’t betray their best friends this deeply… just the women they promise to love.
If you're going to cheat, give the common courtesy to the other party that you would demand yourself: Leave the relationship. I’ve told men as much and many say, "It's not that simple." Sure it is. Close one chapter before beginning another. Evidently, some men can work in out in their heads that cheating is “just what guys do.” Come on; we both know that's not real.
Guys, here’s the bottom-line: If you want to be married or in a committed relationship, then just do that. If you want to sleep with other people, and have the common decency to leave her first. There’s no need to transform yourself into a man without honor while you trample on a woman's self-esteem. And ladies, I would never suggest that once-a-cheater, always-a-cheater; relationship dynamics are different for each couple. But before you take him back because you “love him so much”, you need to think about how much you love and value YOU. Because by cheating on you, he just showed you how much he doesn’t care.
Are there women who cheat? Most definitely... I wrote about them in a different article.